Happy New Year Poiema friends! Everyone has a story to tell and this month I am excited to share with you a testimony about new beginnings through the Fatherâs love with my guest blogger, Sandra Collazo. There is a well-known scripture in Isaiah 43:18â19 that reads, âForget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.â Beloved, rest in knowing that Jesus is in your future waiting for you. He knows the end from the beginning and has planned out a victorious life for you. In this monthâs blog we are going on a journey with Sandra as she reveals how the Father tenderly took her wounded-heart and healed her through His marvelous never-ending love. He never wastes a hurt. đ ~ Marie
âThose who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.â Psalm 126:5
Have you ever felt like you would stay stuck in the father wounds of your past? Well, that was me and it all started from before I was even born. You see, my father didnât want me, because he was a wounded man who didnât know how to love, as my grandparents were not the most loving people. In fact, our family was involved in the occult and Satan knew that I would be called to do things for God. Yet, I never felt like I fit in anywhere or could be authentically loved by my father or any man for that matter. I had no relationship with my dad, so there was a HUGE father wound that kept me looking for love in all the wrong places. It subjected me to toxic relationships over and over, but when each blow to my heart, mind, and spirit would come, it only led me to seek God more. There was one problem though â Jesus I was okay with, Holy Spirit and I were good, BUT Father God was off limits to me! How could I relate to a father that I never had? How could I trust? How could I ever feel safe? Out of his own brokenness, my dad abandoned our family when I was 10-years old and domestic violence, along with infidelity is what I was raised in. This left a gaping hole in my heart, but in 2023 all that shifted in an encounter I had with Father God.
I was in an open vision as a little girl with pick tails in a dress with ankle socks in white shoes and stood in front of Father God. He held out His hand to me and I ran to sit on His lap. He looked down at me with tears in His eyes holding me and kissing my forehead. I wondered why He was crying and then I knew instantly that it was because of the pain I had experienced in my life. I felt like warm liquid love was flowing through me. The scene changed and I was standing before the Father. I was no longer a child, but a young woman and I felt the presence of someone behind me, but didnât turn around. I was given a purple royal robe by the Father and He then turned me around and I saw Jesus waiting for me. My hand was put into His and the Father commissioned Jesus to take care of me. We then walked away with His blessing. That day, I came to view God as, âPapa God.â
I knew that He wanted me to trust Him, but doing so with all my woundedness was challenging for me. I could stay in Papaâs presence all day and feel safe, but I had to learn to deal with my father wounds and not place them on Him. This hit me hard one day when I was faced with this reality in my quiet time with Him. I heard this, âIf you want Me to heal you of your father wounds, you are going to have to take his face off from Mine. Iâm not him.â Undone, but what did that even look like?! All I had known was abandonment, rejection, being invisible or an inconvenience in my natural fatherâs life. This was also the pattern I saw in my other relationships. My brokenness drew abusers to me and Satan made sure of it! As time went on, I began to look to Papa more than just Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I no longer cried when I saw a father and child engaging in a healthy way. It would now only lead me to smile seeing myself on my Papaâs lap as I would remember the encounter we had before.
I then began to study more on His love for me throughout Scripture. I also listened to messages by those I learned from in no longer allowing the âorphan spiritâ to rule my life. I prayed, journaled, and slowly healed. I also went through psychological, emotional, and spiritual healings with those I was led to connect with, because living in trauma and abuse had taught me to trust no one. I was able to develop my faith believing that Papa had the best intentions for me and my life. Eventually, my father wounds began to heal allowing me to embrace all that He had for me. In time, I started to feel safe in knowing that my Papa had me in the palm of His hands, (Isaiah 49:16a). Maybe you have similar things in your own life with father wounds. Please know that my heart and prayers are with you. Healing takes time, surrendering our hurts, and the acceptance of what our Fatherâs love is truly all about. As you ponder upon my story, I want to encourage you to invite God into your conversations and allow Him to heal your heart as He did mine. Why? Because God doesnât waste a hurt, (GDWAH).
Find links to her books below:
God Doesn’t Waste a Hurt: A Life of Abuse to a Story of Redemption