“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 (NLT)
I heard God say, “Offense stems from inadequacy and the fix is knowing you are enough in Christ. Your offense is rooted more in trauma, bitterness, and the need to belong rather than the person who offended you.”
This is the missing link in truly rooting out offense. It’s rarely about what the other person did and more about the parking spot the offense finds in our own traumatized hearts. When we don’t feel like we’re enough, every criticism or oversight feels like a confirmation of our deepest fears. Offense is a secondary emotion—the band aid over the wound.
When we lack a firm foundation in who we are in Christ, we look to the world, and even the Church, to tell us we matter.
There is a need to be seen that feels like a deep-longing ache. When we carry trauma or a history of being pushed aside, we develop an intense need to be heard and validated. If someone forgets to thank us, misses our contribution, or corrects us, it doesn't just feel like a mistake—it feels like an erasure of our existence. We get offended because their failure to see us triggers the old trauma of not belonging. Offense then becomes our defensive shield.
If we feel inadequate, we remain on high alert for rejection. In this state, bitterness is often a preemptive strike; we get offended and pull away so that we can reject others before they have the chance to reject the 'real' us. We use offense to keep people at a distance where they can’t see the parts of us, we haven't yet surrendered to God’s grace. Often, the things that offend us most in others are the very things we feel inadequate about in ourselves. If we’re bitter about our own lack of platform, we’ll be easily offended by anyone who has one — or any other spiritual gift we desire. In this way, offense is a fever indicating an infection of insecurity in the soul.
The fix is the 'enoughness' of Christ in us.
To be part of His Glorious Church, we must move from a performance identity to a sonship identity. We’re a completed work in Him. Colossians 2:10 says, 'And you are complete in Him.'
If you’re already complete, a human being cannot add to you by praising you, nor can they take from you by offending you.
Trauma tells you that you’re less than while the Holy Spirit tells you that you’re precious and honored. When you truly believe you’re enough in His eyes, the arrows of offense lose their tips. They hit your shield of faith and fall to the ground because there’s no insecurity hook for them to latch onto. Paul said, 'I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me' (Galatians 2:20).
A dead man cannot be offended.
When we die to our need for human validation and find our ’enough’ in Jesus, we become unoffendable. We’re being called to higher ground. To go deeper in Him, we must stop asking people to give us what only God can provide. The Glorious Church is a body of people who don’t need to be right or recognized because they’re already fully known and fully loved.
Colossians 2:6-15 (ERV)
“You accepted Christ Jesus as Lord, so continue to live following Him. You must depend on Christ only, drawing life and strength from Him. Just as you were taught the truth, continue to grow stronger in your understanding of it. And never stop giving thanks to God. Be sure you are not led away by the teaching of those who have nothing worth saying and only plan to deceive you. That teaching is not from Christ. It is only human tradition and comes from the powers that influence this world. I say this because all of God lives in Christ fully, even in His life on Earth. And because you belong to Christ you are complete, having everything you need. Christ is ruler over every other power and authority. In Christ you had a different kind of circumcision, one that was not done by human hands. That is, you were made free from the power of your sinful self. That is the kind of circumcision Christ does. When you were baptized, you were buried with Christ, and you were raised up with Him because of your faith in God’s power. God’s power was shown when He raised Christ from death. You were spiritually dead because of your sins and because you were not free from the power of your sinful self. But God gave you new life together with Christ. He forgave all our sins. Because we broke God’s laws, we owed a debt—a debt that listed all the rules we failed to follow. But God forgave us of that debt. He took it away and nailed it to the cross. He defeated the rulers and powers of the spiritual world. With the Cross He won the victory over them and led them away, as defeated and powerless prisoners for the whole world to see.”
Join me on the journey 💝
ABOUT MARIE SCINTO
"You are God’s girl and He loves you! You sprinkle His seeds of love wherever you go!” Those words were spoken to me by my husband Joe many years ago. They came at a time when I was questioning my self-worth in God’s Kingdom, purposes, and plans. The Father made sure that in my darkest spiritual hour, I heard His Truth about my identity and self-worth. It has been my passion ever since to deliver that same message to any who may need to hear it. It is not about who we are, but Whose we are, and I am God’s girl!
Have a question for Marie? E-mail her here. Join our Poiema Facebook Group to continue the conversation.
